I've been absent from the blog for awhile due to anxiety. If you are confused by that, it's fine....so am I. I have been getting better, not quite myself yet, but working hard to get there. My mind is clearer and I am enjoying my time of rest. I was brainstorming some new blog posts while on a walk and realized there is so much I haven't shared that I thought I have.Clarity of mind obviously helps! :)
When I was working and struggling with anxiety something I absolutely hated, despised, dreaded, feared.....was Sunday. Most people think of Sunday as a day of rest, a day to get rejuvenated and a day to enjoy time off. If you have ever struggled with severe anxiety, Sundays are the opposite of that.
If you have ever struggled with severe, dabilitating anxiety, you know what Sunday means. Sunday means you wake up early even when you do not want to with a sinking feeling in your gut, sweaty palms, an upset stomach, and worst of all - a racing mind. Sunday you pray as hard as you can for the day to go by slow, the feelings to go away and the peace and rest to come. But, most often they don't. Why? Because tomorrow is Monday.
Monday means you have to face a whole new week with strength you don't think you have. Monday means you have to put a smile on your face and tell everyone you're fine when you feel like you have an anvil on your chest. Monday means you don't feel safe and constantly think terrible things are going to happen. Monday means.....
Many people hate their job, dread going to work, etc. - let's be clear, it is not the same thing. Most of the time people with anxiety feel all these things as well as guilt because they tell themselves "they shouldn't be feeling that way". You may hate your job and hate Mondays because you have to wake up early. People with severe anxiety don't wake up early on Monday's because they never went to sleep.
When I was really struggling I had to make my Sundays intentional. I had to wake up early, work out the longest that day, fill my day so I would stop staring at the clock. I would take my evenings slowly. I would read, watch relaxing tv or a movie and take a bath.I found that doing these things helped me significantly. But, so did one thing - choosing joy. On Monday I would get out of bed and the first thing I would say, out loud was, "I'm excited for work." Was I? No. Was I lying to make my body think I was? Yes.
Here's the deal, if you find that this is you, you should find somebody to talk to. You live once - that's it. Live it happy! I realized this week that my Sundays have changed from the worst day of the week to the best because I am excited for a new week. Excited to help others, love on people, and most importantly another day closer to being anxiety free.
