Thursday, March 15, 2012

Comfort Zones

Dripping sweat
Shaky hands
Breathing difficult
Weak knees
Vision fading

       Running a marathon, playing basketball, working out - these are common symptoms after a hard workout. These are the same symptoms I had as I sat in my car......in my driveway.
        I had gone to classes as long as I could close by and online. To further my education I had to enroll in a University that was 45 minutes from my house. 10 minutes of the drive was in town and the rest of drive was on a long beautiful country road. As you may have figured out, country roads were my thing - traffic NO WAY. 
        The whole morning before I put myself in that car I fretted and worried about having to go. I thought too much about it, thought about everything that could go wrong, tried to control what I was thinking, but was far from able to do that. 
         I walked to my car from my front door and in less than that 30 seconds it took for me to get to and into the car, panic had swept over me. I sat in my car, crying - with so many thoughts running through my head. 
       "You're fine. You have done this a million times."
       "You are not the same anymore, what if you have a panic attack while you are driving?
       "Okay, Erin, let's say you freak out, just pull the car over until you are calm and then continue."
        "You can't continue on if your car breaks down. What are you going to do then?"
         "If my car breaks down I will call my family or friends and someone can come help me"
         "By the time they get there you will panicking and then everyone will know"
     
      I slowly removed my things from the car and walked back up to my apartment. I could not do it. I could not let anyone know how badly I was struggling. Maybe tomorrow would be better I kept thinking.
            This exact situation happened more times than I can count. 

        

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