March

People say to me how brave I am for sharing my story and how honest I am. Let's clear some things up. Yes, I am honest....to a fault, but, I am not brave. I don't share my story with you because I somehow have more strength than someone else. I share my story because anxiety is a silent illness. No one wants to talk about it, ask questions about it, or admit they struggle with it.

All of us have issues, mine is anxiety, your's may be depression, anger, body image, perfectionism, loneliness, consequences of past choices, etc. The point is this - stop hiding. We all are struggling. If one person gets anything from my story that makes their life better it will have been worth sharing it. But let's be clear, it is WAY out of my comfort zone to share my life, my struggles, my hurts, my joys, but countless emails remind me why I share.

The last month has been difficult. Due to my increasing anxiety I was unable to begin working full days again. A very long story later, I have taken a leave of absence for the remainder of the year. For the first three days I just cried. My family was amazing as well as my husband during this time. It is now my 3rd week off and here I am. Working with my anxiety, trying to find a better medication, learning to better control panic attacks, and most of all doing something I'm not good at - taking time for me.

I'm reading a book right now called, "You're Already Amazing". So many things she talks about is an arrow to the depths of my heart. A few things....

"Emotions make great messengers but bad bosses."

"Your emotions have nothing to do with your reality right now."

"Life's hard. We get hurt. That means sometimes what we need most is for God to stop us right in the middle of our road as we limp along and say,"Daughter, sit down. Rest. Heal. Let me tend to your wounds."

The last one is me right now. Life is proving difficult and what I need most is for God to step in and get my attention and tell me to rest and tend to my wounds. And he did. I now have time to think, shower, eat, take care of me. More about this tomorrow.....but for now, look at your life. Do you need a break? Take care of yourself or you can't take care of others.